Blade Runner, The Musical

I wrote this back in May and none of my friends thought it was funny. Or if they did, they didn't tell me after I emailed it to them. So I'm sticking it here in case somebody runs across it and appreciates it. Because I like it.

I should explain about the scene near the end. I told my brother I wanted to make a movie where Maggie Gyllenhaal and Kirsten Dunst make out. You know, stictly for artistic reasons.

Based on the Tony and Grammy award-winning Broadway hit musical, I present

Blade Runner, the (Movie of the) Musical

Directed by Spike Lee
Written by Alan Moore and Michael Chabon
Special Artistic Consultants Tim Burton and Katsuhiro Ōtomo

Featuring the hit songs "Running the Blade" by Steely Dan, and "Nothing but a Knife Between Us" by Jonathan Coulton

As the credits lift, we are introduced through a montage of aerial shots and a placard to "New Orleans - 2050: two days before Mardi Gras". A jazz funeral plays a futuristic arrangement of "A Closer Walk to Thee" as it winds through a sci-fi French Quarter. This same jazz funeral appears periodically throughout the movie to tie scenes together (and it's, like, symbolic and stuff).

We track a trenchcoated man winding his way through the band until he finds another similar dressed man eating from a street vendor. These are Deckard (Scott Bakula) and Gaff (Jackie Chan). (Reviews call Chan's performance "The worst miscasting of an actor since Keanu Reeves in...everything). Gaff leads Deckard to his old boss Bryant (Joe Don Baker) who explains, through song, that Deckard must find and terminate "Four or five skin jobs. Give or take." Deckard agrees to do this provided Bryant never sings again.

Deckard and Gaff head on over to meet the creator of the replicants, Tyrell (Richard O'Brien) who introduces them to his assistant Rachael (Maggie Gyllenhaal). The two of them explain about Voight-Kampf to the tune of a horrible zydeco number called "Replicant Applicant", performed by Devo, with a robotic Weird Al on accordion.

Pris (Kirsten Dunst) learns about and then go visit the building of J.F. Sebastian (William H. Macy), which is in the ruined and abandoned former ninth ward (referred to in the film as "the back nine"). He gives her a tour of her apartment, and we get to see his midget and proto robots (which include cameo's by midget Mark Hammill, Peter Jackson, and Ron Perlman). Pris sings "Running the Blade" to explain the situation.

Deckard ploddingly follows the case, dodging drunken frat boys ramping up for the big third act Mardi Gras party. He is visited by Rachael, who learns she is a replicant, and they sing the touching "Nothing but a Blade Between us". He then hits the streets and has his fight sequence with Leon and a trio of backup assassin robots he brought with him for good measure (The Rock and The Rockettes). They sing an Indian dance-pop arrangement of "Helpless Automaton" by Men At Work.

Leon's trail leads Deckard to a sleazy bar run by Vic Vacendak (Mick Jagger). The bar is full of holiday celebrants; it is a long time before Deckard can work his way across the bar. During that time he sees Vacendak make out with Zhora (Rae Dawn Chong) and reasons "You'd have to be a replicant to do that." So he shoots her. Vacendak sings a delta blues song about losing yo' woman to the man, plus yo' woman turn out to be a low-down cheatin' robot.

Back at Sebastian's, Roy Batty (Christopher Walken) arrives and explains to Pris that they are the only two left. They sing the a capella duet "Batty for You". Roy then heads to Tyrell's for their big confrontation. They reprise "Batty For You"; now the chess pieces come to life for a combination battle and dance number on the rooftop of the Tyrell building during a torrential early morning thunderstorm. It is the film's biggest setpiece. As Batty kills Tyrell, the storm breaks and Batty can see the parade beginning in streets below him.

Deckard takes Rachael to Sebastian's where they find Pris. She claims to be a "totally human" prisoner of Batty. Deckard bemoans having to do the stupid Voight-Kampf test again. However, Rachael explains that there is an easier way; she is equipped to detect other repicants by sampling their body fluids. Deckard convinces Rachael and Pris to make out. Rachael says that Pris is a replicant, but Deckard loudly announces that he's not convinced. "You'd better repeat the test." This goes on for several minutes. Deckard eventually allows Pris to live if she'll reveal what Batty is up to.

Deckard rushes off to the Tyrell building; he lands just too late to save Tyrell. He and Batty engage in an epic duel. It's a rooftop-to-rooftop chase above and occasionally through the Mardi Gras parade. Deckard is silent; Roy is singing the maniacal "Running the Blade". Eventually the movie plays about about the same as the original. Deckard slips while jumping from a balloon to a building; Batty saves him; Batty makes his famous speech.

Deckard learns that Rachael and Pris have run off together. He joins the parade, and is lost forever in the crowd. As the credits roll we are treated to outtakes of Jackie Chan injuring himself several times, even though he didn't have any stunts in this film.

Cubs Game #3, 2008

My buddy Mike won 4 seats to the rubber match of the first Cubs home series. In all my times at Wrigley, these were the best seats I'd ever had. It was a totally awesome game. I saw everything I want to see in a game, including:

• Come from behind victory.
• Home team home runs.
• Fukudome doing awesome.
• Marmol doing awesome.
• Kerry Wood's first save.
• Amusing drunken heckler.

Here is the picture set. I annotated. Check it out. Unfortunately, I forgot to charge the camera, so I only caught some early inning action.

I did take one video, of Fukudome doubling to the wall and bringing in the go-ahead runs:

Live Poker Again

This weekend, for the first time in about seven years, I played live poker-room poker again.

I don't know when or how the laws changed to allow it, but there are a couple charity organizations operating out of Chicago that offer real cash games and low-level tournaments. The best of these is Chicago Charitable Games. This is where I played.

I was initially quite nervous about returning to real play, but after about an hour I was right back into the groove, thoroughly enjoying the intense, immersing, calculation of it, matched with the outward-facing bored detachment one has to feign. The one big change between when I played years ago and now is that the average age was much lower than me. The players have gotten much younger and I've gotten older. Also you no longer have to squint through a haze of thick smoke to see the table. Yay!

I wouldn't mention the results of my play were they not so notable, but I played two hands worth mentioning.

Hand #1 - Big bad beat gripe. This was midway through a $25 single-table SNG. The blind structure of these was extremely aggressive, and even though I about starting chips, I only had an M near 3 or so, with 7 or 8 players left. Most people are in the same boat. I have 77 late. Someone limps, a small stack goes all in, and it comes to me. I don't have to think long before I push. Two more all-ins behind me. Literally I'm all in for a chance to make 5x my chips, which would be the most of the chips on the table.

Flop comes 4-5-7 rainbow! The last two big stacks involved both go all in. Hands are A-J, 44, 99, my 77, and one got mucked immediately. Yes!

Turn, unfortunately, is a 9, and the worst player at the table scoops almost all the chips at the table. I lost on a 2-outer. If I win the hand, I could take a nap and still be in the money. Sigh.

Hand #3 - $20 MTT, 3000 chips and 50 players start. I have about 6K in chips one hour in, blinds 300-600. I post my BB just as the clock rings for the next blind tier and the break. I don't want to post an 800 blind instead of 600, of course, so I gripe that I'd already posted and demand the hand. Most people had already got up and walked off and had to be called back (angrily) to the table.

I get dealt 2-7 suited. Whee. 2 limpers plus me. Flop is...wait for it...229 rainbow! I check, first limper bets 1000, second limper is all-in 7500!. I happily call and go from 6K to 14K because I demanded the hand.

The bad news is, ultimately, the tournament paid 5 places, and I finished 6th... Oh well, live to fight another day. It was a fun $20.

I'll definitely be back for more live poker on those rare times I can find the time. It was a blast.

Martin Luther King speaks out about the war

Lest we forget a great speech by a great man.


I wish he were alive to speak out against today's war. But I guess it can't be reduced to a 15 second clip, so it wouldn't make the news anyway.

It's weird, (other than the religious part) hearing this is like hearing the voice in my head. I wonder how anyone can hear this and disagree. I wonder how people who claim to idolize this man can piss on all he stood for, day after day after day. I wonder how Bill O'Reilly, Fox News, and swiftboating would marginalize him today.

Christmas 2007

Every Christmas we've been together, Hiroko and I have held a big Christmas-day bash for all our friends to come to our house. This is because we know a large amount of people who for whatever reason don't have family to spend the holiday with. It's always a fine time. This year was particularly special because we have the new house, and Ren is now a member of our family.

Also shortly before Christmas we had a big night out, where we dined at a fondue restaurant and went to Christkindlmarket. Both were a great time. Hiroko in particular had an unexpectedly great time at Christkindlmarket, despite the deeply bitter cold the night we were there.

We look forward to many Christmases like this one, to come.

Here is a set of pictures from Christmas. A couple from Christkindlmarket, and a few from Christmas dinner. They're sparse because this was during the time when Ren went crazy in the presence of the camera.

Mammoth Cave, 2007

On Thanksgiving day, my mom agreed to babysit for us for two days, giving Hiroko and I a chance to get away for a "date" together. We stayed at a bed and breakfast in Louisville the night before, ate at a fancy restaurant, and had a great time at a piano bar.

But the next day was Thanksgiving. I'd spent a couple weeks trying to find something for two unattached young people to do on a day when everything, everywhere, was shut down. We finally settled on Mammoth Cave. To our surprise, it was quite busy. I guess a lot of other people had the same idea. In particular there were a few Asian families who we talked to who agreed that they were off work and, having no holiday to identify with, had nothing better to do.

Hiroko had never been in a cave before, and I haven't been to Mammoth in years. We had a great time. I don't recall which tour we took, but it was a relatively long one through a constructed entrance. Everything was very interesting. If you're in the area, don't miss it.

Here's a photo set.